The word of the day is: GRIT

In truly sporadic fashion over the last 24 hours I've been working through deep feelings of angst. Cue the crude copy and pasted conventional definition:

"Angst, often confused with anxiety, is a transcendent emotion intuit it combines the unbearable anguish of life with the hopes of overcoming this seemingly impossible situation. Without the important element of hope, the emotion is anxiety, not angst. Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weighs on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear. 'an airplane crashes into the side of a remote snow-covered mountain; those passengers that worry about their lives without hopes of survival only face anxiety. In contrast, those passengers who worry about their lives with hopes of survival however do not know when the rescue party will arrive face angst'." (Urban dictionary)

..I've been down on myself because all in one moment I realized that I had made some really bad and ineffective moves over the past 2-3 weeks. This revelation bothers me to my core firstly because I know how much potential I have to be better however more specifically it bothers me because I consider myself obsessed with self-improvement. I'm doing an amazing job of developing my strengths (i.e. leadership, creativity, motivating others) however the same can not be said for my weaknesses (i.e. punctuality, managing personal finances, taking care of myself and close friends emotionally & academics).

SO... What do you do when after focusing on the process for a considerable amount of time you realize you've been investing time in a flawed process?? Well, first you feel angst.

Then,

embody GRIT. "Grit in psychology is a positive, non-cognitive trait based on an individual's passion for a particular long-term goal or end state, coupled with a powerful motivation to achieve their respective objective" (wikipedia). Grit is stamina, and sticking through the tough times for as long as it takes. Grit is what I learned through my years in wrestling. There isn't a lot science knows about grit yet however we do know that there is no correlation between talent and grit. Actually, they are more closely inversely related than they are related. That's the big reason why you'll hear me say that there's nothing special about me in terms of my ability to get extraordinary things done. The Key is Grit.

Failure outside of time sensitive or competitive constraints generally doesn't exist until you stop trying to reach your goal. I haven't failed anything in what seems like a long time and that is largely due to the fact that I've changed my focus from being completely result centric to being more increasingly focused on process. This is a careful line to walk because while being focused completely on results and achieving goals we spend every moment before achieving said goal/result in some state of suffering (the benefit being that you reach your goals/results faster). Conversely, when focused on the process I've learned that it is easier to chase perfection and develop habits of excellence (the risk here being that you get things done more slowly). Toeing the line between the two modes of thinking requires grit.

Remember that.

Love,
your favourite president-elect..
Kyle Denzel Rose

1. 
   
   
   ps. I found the link below after writing this blog, and it totally reinforces my points: 
   http://www.forbes.com/sites/margaretperlis/2013/10/29/5-characteristics-of-grit-what-it-is-why-you-need-it-and-do-you-have-it/

Actual Blog References:

(video) http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit?language=en

(definition) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grit_(personality_trait)

(definition) http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Angst

Public Opinion vs. Your Reality

"He who has overcome his fears is truly free" - Aristotle

After encountering the same situation twice (in the lives of others) in one day, I feel compelled to shout the following from my virtual rooftop to the world.. Public opinion is a valid resource in that from public opinion you can glean a common understanding of how situations and actions are viewed. Essentially it often acts as a basic compass for action and opinion.

While all that is true, the biggest lesson that I've learned literally in my whole life is that in no way, shape, or form does this objectively define a situation or predict results. Albert Einstein said, "Imagination is the preview of life's coming attractions." I couldn't agree more. If you can imagine an outcome in your mind, you are up to half way (20%-50%) to creating and realizing it. I'm not telling you that you can literally do anything you can think of in the way you first imagine it, however I am saying that there is only one way to find out. If you've taken the time to imagine something that excites you, you OWE it to yourself and will be doing yourself an injustice not to pursue whatever it is. I know a lot of professors and potential teachers that think there are no teaching jobs, and I also know around 10 people that have walked into full-time employment after graduating. I know people that get intimidated by people in positions of power and never look to oppose them, and I know a few people (self included) that chose to outwork the competition and ended up beating the odds in a big way (guess who your favourite VPFA is). I know people who talk about the lack of employment in their area, and I also personally know almost 100 entrepreneurs who have CREATED their career as opposed to looking for it (self included).  I know people that aspire to win a championship, and I know people who actually pursued championships in sport (self included). Could we have all failed? Absolutely. And many of us did along the way.. And then we learned, and then we adjusted, and then we succeeded.

I should note that I'm only including that I've jumped over these hurdles to humanize the experience. There is nothing special about me or anyone else who has attained success. The only reason we, and you have been successful (whether you realize it or not) is because of one word. Grit. Look it up.

All of the highest achievements in the lives of the most successful people we know have come through risk. In a coaching theory class I learned that the characters "危机" can be used to represent "risk" as well as "opportunity". Whether this is true or not I can confidently say that all opportunity comes with risk, since you can always unsuccessfully pursue an opportunity. I quote this all the time, "a lot of us are not all the way satisfied but are scared to lose security in what we do have". Moral of the story? To get to better circumstance you must be willing to embrace change and is of failure. The point is not to be scared of failure because that cognitive roadblock gives way to analysis-paralysis. It literally stops you from doing things. That's not to say embrace failure as a good think on par with success, it refers to the mindset that ever experience is either a success or an opportunity to grow. It's a mindset.

Let your fears motivate you.
 #GROE - Growth Respect Opportunity & Excellence

Love,
 Kyle Denzel Rose

Love & Perspective

The topics are Love and Perspective. I thought about this after wishing a few acquaintances happy birthday today and thinking, "Wow, I actually could completely love this person, have them as a best friend, lover, coworker, roommate anything!" I shouldn't say I thought this, I more felt it. Emotion guides our thoughts  and while I'll be the first person to say that emotion often clouds proper logical judgement, I also believe that it has just as much potential to empower productive and positive passion.

Literally everyone around me continues to affirm to me how ineffable the beauty of the human experience is. Individually, and i truly mean individually there is something special, meaningful, unique and interesting to be learned and experienced from every interaction you have. You just need to look at it the right way. It's all perspective for me.. In the last year I've changed a lot about my life, and it came after taking one of the hardest emotional hits I've ever taken. there is light to be found in the darkest hour. The same darkness has transformed me into an ambitious, insightful, positive and motivated individual who loves everything about himself. And that's the best position you can be in to love others, you have to love yourself first :) and you should. The more I learn about people the more I love about them. Watching people grow physically is amazing however the feeling you get watching them grow as an individual is again, ineffable. I used to get teased a lot for "falling in love a couple times a day" and I recently realized it was just that from an early age I've been able to appreciate things about girls that most don't see or don't value. That very often gets confused with romantic love, because people these days don't just call a girl beautiful unless they want something physical.. I'm getting to a place though where I can love, everyone. It's so easy to love, try it. <3

"Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it."
-Buddha

"Be a reflection of what you'd like to see in others. If you want love, give love. If you want honesty, give honesty. If you want respect, give respect. You get in return what you give."

"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.

YOU GET TO CHOOSE."
-Wayne Dyer

The following quote is long, however awesome (and set the original tone and reason for the blog post):

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life,the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment—not discouragement—you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.
"Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.”

Joseph Campbell, A Joseph Campbell Companion: Reflections on the Art of Living.

I'll leave you with one more quote that I've known for a year now without being able to put into words..

“If you paint in your mind a picture of bright and happy expectations, you put yourself into a condition conductive to your goal.”

- Norman Vincent Peale

#GROE

The Principle of Risk & Opportunity

Here is a simple principle I learned in 2013 that I have just about mastered in 2014. Risk and opportunity go hand in hand! In fact, In the summer I was told that the Vietnamese character for risk was the same character used for opportunity. Think about it though.. Remember the times when you felt like you were enjoying life the most, you were doing something "risky" weren't you? Spending money that you could have spent more responsibly (at a concert/event with friends), accepting or applying for a job you really wanted even though you were not guaranteed the job, going to university to pursue a degree is risky because you might fail, telling someone your dreams, and the most risk is taken when you trust someone completely with your heart and really bear your soul. 

All of these circumstances are extremely risky, whether you realize it or not however they also yield the highest rewards. So the advice, what I would like to communicate to all of you out there is that you should take risks. Live your life in a way that allows you to constantly be doing what excites you the most and pursue your passions. I have recently been given the opportunity to effect the university year of thousands of students and as scary as that can sound, It excites me! I now whole-heartedly love to see the opportunity where other may see risk.   

In 2013 I had something, that I would give anything not to lose and I lost it! This came due to me taking probably the most important risk, to be honest. Anyways, without diving too deep I'll just say that I lost something I did not deserve to have and that led to a world of life changing opportunity. Beginning with a redefinition of opportunity that included challenging times as "opportunities to grow". I realized the challenge before me and accepted it. Throughout 2013 I took risks by changing the way I lived my life, this mainly included:
I do not want to spend too much time talking about myself however one of my favourite quotes sums it up, "Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain". 
I've met a lot of people in the last year, more influencial people than in the 21 years before. I've reached higher hieghts and overcome greater challenges due to my understanding of this principle. It is wise to live life in a way that allows you to pursue your passions and whatever you think will bring you happiness.. When you do this, always think to yourself if you really want it and if you do, CHASE IT! When living with this notion and always acknowledging the Principle of Risk & Opportunity, you will not have regrets. Try it, and tell me what you think.
-how I communicated with people 
-the perspective I used to approach life
-the way I presented myself
-who I surrounded myself with
-how I challenged myself physically/mentally/emotionally


..Let me just tell you that all of the best experiences I had in the last year came via trusting/pursuing those urges and interests. Suddenly I find myself first knowing that I deserve what I lost and then noticing that I have much much more than I had ever had before in several other areas of my life. The Principle of Gratefulness is a whole-nother principle though



If you live life behind a wall of security, you are safe but are you living it to the fullest?

#GoldenThoughts

The Difference Between Good & Great (people, athletes, students, employees, leaders & lovers)

The Difference Between Good and Great

Firstly I must pay complete homage to one of the newest and yet most influential people in my life, Mr. Drew Dudley.  Mr. Dudley is a motivational speaker who I had the pleasure of listening to this past Saturday at a retreat. While everything he said was influential, one key point raised was the notion that good people are people who take advantage of opportunities to be good people, while great people created opportunities to be good people. Very quotable! So quotable in fact, I quoted him at again at the conclusion of this post and in my most recent Facebook status.

I recently spoke with one of the people in my inner circle about the difference between being good and great.  We explored just how applicable the notion was in everyday life and were amazed.. The difference is first established between good and great people, however it also applies to good and great athletes, good and great students, good and great employees, leaders and most interestingly to me: good and great lovers.

You see, a good athlete attends practice when he or she is “supposed to” while a great athlete trains outside of practice (and in a variety of different ways). A good student attends class and maybe even reviews before a big test while a great student studies every day. A good employee shows up on time and does their job while a great employee stays late and comes in early. A good leader leads when people ask for a leader; the great leader creates opportunities for himself to be a leader. Lastly the good and great lovers… This one actually cleared up a lot for me, and it’s weird because I’m the one who said it: a good lover will tell you look beautiful when you are dressed up or just got a haircut, they will bring you flowers or gifts for anniversaries etc. A great lover will call you beautiful or handsome daily, even when you look your worst. Furthermore great lover will bring you flowers, not for an anniversary, just because they can.

The person I spoke with about this, that inspired the blog wasn’t sure if they were even good, far less great. I wish all readers to know that even if you haven’t been great up until now, you can begin to be great in this very moment and set the tone for the rest of your life. You do NOT need to begin with being good, this is not a transitional thing. Decide you want to be great at one or all of these things, and embody that.

“Good people are people who take advantage of opportunities to be good people, while great people created opportunities to be good people.”

#goldenthoughts

Regards,
Kyle  Denzel Rose

La Ronde: Where "Bad Girls" Come from

If there's one experience I'd like to save you all from, it's heartbreak. Heartbreak is the "bitter" part of the bittersweet circus of emotion I've dubbed "La Ronde".

I want to say "where did all the good, loyal girls go? The ones that said they'd never leave and meant it."

Then I remember that they all actually start like that.. Innocent, sweet and unaware of "the game". Until they get cheated on, by YOU (the one they first gave their heart too) Until we turn them into monsters that is, or "bad bitches" as they like to be called. They take everything you taught them (including mostly why they shouldn't give their heart away) and they become cold and guarded. Poor next guy in line! You have to deal with that wall before she lets you in. But poorer first guy, for knowing he created a monster and set her loose to break hearts the way you did hers. That can make one feel guilty, but mostly a bitter kind of lonely, since he can't justify the complaining he is so eager to engage in. 

As bitter as it indeed is, heartbreak, misfortune and loss preceding happily-ever-after is one of the best recipes for marital (assuming you'd get married) success. Why in the world would it benefit someone to get their heart broken before they find the one? Because it is a golden-rule of sorts that: it is significantly less likely that someone who has experienced great loss will take good times for granted, 

I often go on tangents talking about how I've experienced several highs and lows in love with different loves and that it has shaped me into the well rounded lover I am today and it's true. It truly, truly has.. I am still learning though, that part doesn't ever end.

Still, I mind myself looking back at what I just had, like Usher & Diddy "needing a girl" and "so sick of love songs" like Ne-yo.

Quoting some different lines from songs.. (The following four quotes being my form of venting.. Seeing as how I can't legitimize saying anything myself): See if you can name that tune..

1) "I can see it in your eyes: you’re angry
Regret got shit on what you’re feeling now
Mad cause he ain’t like me
Oh you mad cause nobody ever did it like me
All the care I would take,
All the love that we made
Now you’re trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you
It’s a shame you didn’t keep it: Alicia, Katia
I know that you gon' hear this: I’m the man
Yeah I said it!
Bitch I’m the man
Don’t you forget it
The way you walk – that’s me
The way you talk – that’s me
The way you’ve got your hair up: did you forget that’s me?
And the voice in your speaker right now – that’s me (that's me)
And the voice in your ear – that’s me
Can’t you see that I made it? Yeah I made it
First I made you who you are, then I made it
And you’re wasted with your ladies
Yeah I’m the reason why you always getting faded..Take a shot for me"

2) " I've seen all the scenes in this movie, and she blows  it in the end,"

3) "I'm always up too late, I worry 'bout you there alone

In that place you call your home, warm nights and cold Patron

I hope that you don't get known for nothing crazy

Cause no man ever wants to hear those stories bout his lady

I know they say the first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest

I tried to keep us together, you were busy keeping secrets

Secrets you were telling everybody but me

Don't be fooled by the money I'm just young and unlucky, I'm surpised you couldn't tell."

4) "And I heard you're doing you, and you heard I'm doing betterAnd all I had to do was put two and two togetherBut that just makes four, but not four-ever, damnSo much for being the perfect coupleI put in overtime, I was working doublesI wish you the best, good luck booWeezy F, for "Fuck you"

4a) "And if I sound mad then you caught me, but this s*** explains exactly how you taught me  _ _ _    _ _     _ _ _ _    _    _ _ _ _ _"

Wow did it ever feel good getting those feelings out there!! #venting #backtotheblog

I was planning on ranting. I was planning on complaining because I hate sleeping alone, because she moved away and it got hard, because emotionally alone is so much worse than physically alone, because I tested her when she said "I'll always love you, I'll never leave."

And then Big Sean puts out "beware"

And I don't need to say shit. Please, please read these lyrics.. I swear this guy is composing the soundtrack for my life.

Lyrics below:

[Hook: Big Sean & Jhene Aiko]

When you said it was over

You shot right through my heart

Why you let these hoes tear what we had right apart

Oooh, I was so mad

I should've seen this coming right from the start

You should beware, beware, beware of a woman with a broken heart

[Verse 1: Big Sean]

Praying to a sky all black

Looking at the stars like they finna talk back

Looking at my phone like she finna call back

But last night I feel like probably ended all that

Cause by now she woulda sent a text in all caps

Then another one tryna take all back

Saying fuck you, I miss you or I hate you so much

Cause girls only say "hate you" to the guys they love

I know, I know, I know

The highs, the lows it comes and goes

You say "be real" I try, I don't

Cause you take anything and just make it everything

Kept my phone on silent ever since you got a ring (funny right?)

And I never cheated (I mean, maybe once, twice)

One time don't change everything

She ask why I don't feel the same, I'm still the same

She's still insane and now she's saying

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Big Sean]

Okay, skeet, smoke

Sleep, call

Miss, text

Woke, spoke

Lie, feel, Lisa ew

Time, kill, months, still

I got somebody baby mama calling me daddy

I drank too much, please call me a cabby

Penthouse after party hoes want that addy

Fuck they can ride with us, crawl in a Caddy

Third row is when you call, I hit cancel

Really? I hit answer, fuck I hate when that happens

Phone in my pocket for the whole night

And you heard bitches screamin' til my phone dies

Then she text me like "why you still talk to my mama?"

How the fuck you run around with condoms?

Why you make me get this tattoo?

Man, fuck this tattoo you the reason I wasn't single in college

What? All because I had you

Nigga I dont even have you

How am I suppose to get past you?

And she called the next guy spillin' some real shit

Now they problems he got to deal with

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Lil Wayne]

Girl, don't believe them hoes

Cause they don't wanna see us together

And you already know you're too fly

But baby, don't get your hair caught in the propellers

I be tryna tell her these hoes is jealous

You know they never like it when you never say never

Long hair, red bone, but her p**** is hairless

Muah, I french kiss it like we in Paris

I be screaming out, "ain't no woman like the one I got"

But she be always worrying about the one I f*****

She said it's gonna be me, myself and I

Damn, that would make me a one-eyed fuck

Sch, I was so mad

Damn, you used to ride a nigga like a moped pad sch--

But players fuck up, my bad

And just to keep from crying, I laughed

[Hook]

[Outro x2: Jhene Aiko]

Baby, last time calling me baby

Last time calling me crazy

Crazy, crazy

#Gold #goldenthoughts 

Time & Perspective

Time is quite the concept. Termed in an effort to attach permanence to something that has none; time is the ever present plateau upon which experience occurs (you cannot have one without the other):

"Time moves forward whether you wish it to or not
To dwell on the past is to become a slave to it.
However to forget the past is to allow it to reoccur (of course never in the exact same way)"
-(Paraphrasing quotes I've heard over the years)

Time has taught me a lot in my 22 years, chiefly in the last year I have come to realize some universals that make life easier to live. Although it is a  simple fact, I am truly intrigued by the fact that everyone has their own story. By this I refer to the fact that until somewhat recently, the people that I have come into my life have always been viewed as just that: "people who came into my life". Never did I stop to realize that in their mind pages are being filled in the story of their lives, where I am a secondary character at best. Martin Buber refers to the fact that we often objectify the people we interact with on a daily basis, offering small talk without genuine interest and without acknowledging them as people i.e. when you get on the bus and ask the bus driver how he is doing, do you REALLY expect him to say anything other than "I'm doing great, thank you for asking!"  ...Didn't think so!

It's clear to me now that everyone is the main character of their own story, always the protagonist, never the  bad guy.

(I could write a whole blog about how it is completely up to YOU the main character of YOUR story to decide whether your life is a comedy, horror, action-thriller, love story or romantic comedy like mine, however I shall resist for now )

The second realization is that nurture and and experience are the two biggest influences on a persons character (traits, likes, dislikes). These things equate perspective. If you're going to take one thing from this blog, let it be this: We must reserve judgement of others as people for the simple fact that we are unable to factor all the experiences that led them to doing the things that they have done.

A few personal examples of this?? (possible answers in brackets)

Have you ever been upset with someone driving slowly infront of you? (Maybe they are a lost. Maybe they are old/confused)

Have any guys out there dated a girl who's parents didn't love you?? (Maybe they are scared of sharing/trusting something they love and have invested their time in with a relative stranger)

Have you ever tried to get to know someone who wouldn't let their guard down? (Maybe they have experienced/witness people getting hurt and want to protect their feelings. Maybe they are scared because they know things could get serious.)

"Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present." - Roger Babson

"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden

"How come you don't make time for me anymore?"

"It takes time to learn from mistakes"

"Time heals all wounds"

"Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough." -George Bernard Shaw

"Waste your money and you're only out of money, waste your time and you've lost a part of your life."
-Michael LeBeoeuf

And Lastly,

"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." -William Penn

**********
To the reader: Hope you enjoyed.. More blogs on the way, more frequently :)
#GoldenThoughts