La Ronde: Where "Bad Girls" Come from

If there's one experience I'd like to save you all from, it's heartbreak. Heartbreak is the "bitter" part of the bittersweet circus of emotion I've dubbed "La Ronde".

I want to say "where did all the good, loyal girls go? The ones that said they'd never leave and meant it."

Then I remember that they all actually start like that.. Innocent, sweet and unaware of "the game". Until they get cheated on, by YOU (the one they first gave their heart too) Until we turn them into monsters that is, or "bad bitches" as they like to be called. They take everything you taught them (including mostly why they shouldn't give their heart away) and they become cold and guarded. Poor next guy in line! You have to deal with that wall before she lets you in. But poorer first guy, for knowing he created a monster and set her loose to break hearts the way you did hers. That can make one feel guilty, but mostly a bitter kind of lonely, since he can't justify the complaining he is so eager to engage in. 

As bitter as it indeed is, heartbreak, misfortune and loss preceding happily-ever-after is one of the best recipes for marital (assuming you'd get married) success. Why in the world would it benefit someone to get their heart broken before they find the one? Because it is a golden-rule of sorts that: it is significantly less likely that someone who has experienced great loss will take good times for granted, 

I often go on tangents talking about how I've experienced several highs and lows in love with different loves and that it has shaped me into the well rounded lover I am today and it's true. It truly, truly has.. I am still learning though, that part doesn't ever end.

Still, I mind myself looking back at what I just had, like Usher & Diddy "needing a girl" and "so sick of love songs" like Ne-yo.

Quoting some different lines from songs.. (The following four quotes being my form of venting.. Seeing as how I can't legitimize saying anything myself): See if you can name that tune..

1) "I can see it in your eyes: you’re angry
Regret got shit on what you’re feeling now
Mad cause he ain’t like me
Oh you mad cause nobody ever did it like me
All the care I would take,
All the love that we made
Now you’re trying to find somebody to replace what I gave to you
It’s a shame you didn’t keep it: Alicia, Katia
I know that you gon' hear this: I’m the man
Yeah I said it!
Bitch I’m the man
Don’t you forget it
The way you walk – that’s me
The way you talk – that’s me
The way you’ve got your hair up: did you forget that’s me?
And the voice in your speaker right now – that’s me (that's me)
And the voice in your ear – that’s me
Can’t you see that I made it? Yeah I made it
First I made you who you are, then I made it
And you’re wasted with your ladies
Yeah I’m the reason why you always getting faded..Take a shot for me"

2) " I've seen all the scenes in this movie, and she blows  it in the end,"

3) "I'm always up too late, I worry 'bout you there alone

In that place you call your home, warm nights and cold Patron

I hope that you don't get known for nothing crazy

Cause no man ever wants to hear those stories bout his lady

I know they say the first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest

I tried to keep us together, you were busy keeping secrets

Secrets you were telling everybody but me

Don't be fooled by the money I'm just young and unlucky, I'm surpised you couldn't tell."

4) "And I heard you're doing you, and you heard I'm doing betterAnd all I had to do was put two and two togetherBut that just makes four, but not four-ever, damnSo much for being the perfect coupleI put in overtime, I was working doublesI wish you the best, good luck booWeezy F, for "Fuck you"

4a) "And if I sound mad then you caught me, but this s*** explains exactly how you taught me  _ _ _    _ _     _ _ _ _    _    _ _ _ _ _"

Wow did it ever feel good getting those feelings out there!! #venting #backtotheblog

I was planning on ranting. I was planning on complaining because I hate sleeping alone, because she moved away and it got hard, because emotionally alone is so much worse than physically alone, because I tested her when she said "I'll always love you, I'll never leave."

And then Big Sean puts out "beware"

And I don't need to say shit. Please, please read these lyrics.. I swear this guy is composing the soundtrack for my life.

Lyrics below:

[Hook: Big Sean & Jhene Aiko]

When you said it was over

You shot right through my heart

Why you let these hoes tear what we had right apart

Oooh, I was so mad

I should've seen this coming right from the start

You should beware, beware, beware of a woman with a broken heart

[Verse 1: Big Sean]

Praying to a sky all black

Looking at the stars like they finna talk back

Looking at my phone like she finna call back

But last night I feel like probably ended all that

Cause by now she woulda sent a text in all caps

Then another one tryna take all back

Saying fuck you, I miss you or I hate you so much

Cause girls only say "hate you" to the guys they love

I know, I know, I know

The highs, the lows it comes and goes

You say "be real" I try, I don't

Cause you take anything and just make it everything

Kept my phone on silent ever since you got a ring (funny right?)

And I never cheated (I mean, maybe once, twice)

One time don't change everything

She ask why I don't feel the same, I'm still the same

She's still insane and now she's saying

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Big Sean]

Okay, skeet, smoke

Sleep, call

Miss, text

Woke, spoke

Lie, feel, Lisa ew

Time, kill, months, still

I got somebody baby mama calling me daddy

I drank too much, please call me a cabby

Penthouse after party hoes want that addy

Fuck they can ride with us, crawl in a Caddy

Third row is when you call, I hit cancel

Really? I hit answer, fuck I hate when that happens

Phone in my pocket for the whole night

And you heard bitches screamin' til my phone dies

Then she text me like "why you still talk to my mama?"

How the fuck you run around with condoms?

Why you make me get this tattoo?

Man, fuck this tattoo you the reason I wasn't single in college

What? All because I had you

Nigga I dont even have you

How am I suppose to get past you?

And she called the next guy spillin' some real shit

Now they problems he got to deal with

[Hook]

[Verse 3: Lil Wayne]

Girl, don't believe them hoes

Cause they don't wanna see us together

And you already know you're too fly

But baby, don't get your hair caught in the propellers

I be tryna tell her these hoes is jealous

You know they never like it when you never say never

Long hair, red bone, but her p**** is hairless

Muah, I french kiss it like we in Paris

I be screaming out, "ain't no woman like the one I got"

But she be always worrying about the one I f*****

She said it's gonna be me, myself and I

Damn, that would make me a one-eyed fuck

Sch, I was so mad

Damn, you used to ride a nigga like a moped pad sch--

But players fuck up, my bad

And just to keep from crying, I laughed

[Hook]

[Outro x2: Jhene Aiko]

Baby, last time calling me baby

Last time calling me crazy

Crazy, crazy

#Gold #goldenthoughts 

Time & Perspective

Time is quite the concept. Termed in an effort to attach permanence to something that has none; time is the ever present plateau upon which experience occurs (you cannot have one without the other):

"Time moves forward whether you wish it to or not
To dwell on the past is to become a slave to it.
However to forget the past is to allow it to reoccur (of course never in the exact same way)"
-(Paraphrasing quotes I've heard over the years)

Time has taught me a lot in my 22 years, chiefly in the last year I have come to realize some universals that make life easier to live. Although it is a  simple fact, I am truly intrigued by the fact that everyone has their own story. By this I refer to the fact that until somewhat recently, the people that I have come into my life have always been viewed as just that: "people who came into my life". Never did I stop to realize that in their mind pages are being filled in the story of their lives, where I am a secondary character at best. Martin Buber refers to the fact that we often objectify the people we interact with on a daily basis, offering small talk without genuine interest and without acknowledging them as people i.e. when you get on the bus and ask the bus driver how he is doing, do you REALLY expect him to say anything other than "I'm doing great, thank you for asking!"  ...Didn't think so!

It's clear to me now that everyone is the main character of their own story, always the protagonist, never the  bad guy.

(I could write a whole blog about how it is completely up to YOU the main character of YOUR story to decide whether your life is a comedy, horror, action-thriller, love story or romantic comedy like mine, however I shall resist for now )

The second realization is that nurture and and experience are the two biggest influences on a persons character (traits, likes, dislikes). These things equate perspective. If you're going to take one thing from this blog, let it be this: We must reserve judgement of others as people for the simple fact that we are unable to factor all the experiences that led them to doing the things that they have done.

A few personal examples of this?? (possible answers in brackets)

Have you ever been upset with someone driving slowly infront of you? (Maybe they are a lost. Maybe they are old/confused)

Have any guys out there dated a girl who's parents didn't love you?? (Maybe they are scared of sharing/trusting something they love and have invested their time in with a relative stranger)

Have you ever tried to get to know someone who wouldn't let their guard down? (Maybe they have experienced/witness people getting hurt and want to protect their feelings. Maybe they are scared because they know things could get serious.)

"Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present." - Roger Babson

"If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?" -John Wooden

"How come you don't make time for me anymore?"

"It takes time to learn from mistakes"

"Time heals all wounds"

"Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough." -George Bernard Shaw

"Waste your money and you're only out of money, waste your time and you've lost a part of your life."
-Michael LeBeoeuf

And Lastly,

"Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." -William Penn

**********
To the reader: Hope you enjoyed.. More blogs on the way, more frequently :)
#GoldenThoughts

There is NO reason to discriminate

There's no reason to discriminate "race" or religion): 

There's no black race, white race or any other ethnically oriented type.. Just a "Human race".. People who know the Truth (capitalized on purpose) are aware that the contrast in darkness of skin and/or hair, curliness/straightness or hair and wideness/narrowness of the nose are directly related to the environment the generations before them lived in.. We are products of our environment.

There is also no need to condemn religions that aren't your own/force religions on people (especially not with violence). When you do this, you dig the grave of your own religion. <<Paraphrasing the Buddha's words. He goes on to say "Truth needs no label. It is neither Buddhist, Christian, Hindu nor Moslem. It is not the monopoly of anybody. Labels like that produce and project harmful prejudices in men's minds."

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
-Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

#GoldenThoughts

Martha Shaw

“and in the evening, to temper the sting of loneliness; there was martha shaw.”

This blog is deticated to the Martha Shaw's of every love story. You see, such a character is in every realistic and fictional love story, and (I'm resisting the urge to be objective when I say) just about every real-life one. You might be wondering who Martha Shaw is.. 

Now I'm sure you recognize the man on the left (Noah played by Ryan Gosling) and hence the movie (The Notebook) but what about the girl on the right? To all those who say they know the movie, and to all those who regard Allie and Noah's story as a sad one: what then do you say about Martha Shaw's? The war-window who lost her true love in violent albeit patriotic fashion is left with nothing; caught in the middle of a love story that is not her own. In the movie Martha serves a pivotal role in the movie, without which the movie may have ended very differently. I refer to the quote for the explanation of her role

“and in the evening, to temper the sting of loneliness; there was martha shaw.”

A prime example of the quote "Love hurts." being all too true, Martha's damaged heart clings to the damaged heart of a man who can never love her. Not a "bad guy" but a damaged guy who's heart belongs elsewhere. I decided to make known the fact that such characters exist just as commonly, actually more commonly than the Noah's and Allie's of the world. I have learned the hard way that trying to make a "Martha" an "Allie" can be worse for her than simply using her; so note that lesson most importantly. That being said, it seems all we can really do to help them is assure them that there is true happiness out there, and that they shouldn't settle for less. My heart goes out to all the Martha's out there.. Whether they be male or female, it hurts to be in such a position, powerless, and vulnerable, clinging to comforts of fleeting happiness. Do you know any people who have adapted this role for a time in their lives? Have you ever adopted the role of Martha? I know I have.. Luckily, my story didn't end there. I truly hope your's doesn't either.

"Most things in life are about timing, whether you get the job you want (when you want it), whether you get the house you want (when you want it), whether you meet one person rather than another, how you view someone and (my personal favourite) how they view you are completely dependent on when those things happened.. Such a notion is exemplified best with Eros (romantic-type) love, I believe it ignorant to accept that there is only one person in the world you can be happy with; Accept rather that of all the people you meet, one of them, will come at the right time."

#GoldenThoughts

Regards,
Kyle  Denzel Rose

Pilot Poem: My mind drifts

Like a Castaway my mind drifts,
Carried by philosophical waves in the ocean of my mind I try to distinguish my curses from my gifts.

I sometimes look down and see my moral compass broken.
Worried because day by day I'm a hopeless romantic living a dream, unable to be woken,
Holding tight to what seems right, I try to survive youth's storm,
Unaware of exactly which beliefs I should conform (to).

The one thing that remains constant is my attempt to comprehend life's meaning,
Often this tiresome quest brings me to the brink of screaming!
Wondering if there will be reality for what I'm dreaming..

Tirelessly my mind is hit by waves of money and perspective of truth,
Have I been composing justifications, or does everything happen for a reason?? I NEED PROOF!
Already it's all too clear why adults spend time, missing their youth..

Different philosophical waves concerning the my future, my past, what if, love lost and love found,
Have me just as much curious as confused, optimistically praying I'll find solid ground.

Despite the weight of my thoughts it's okay, I've been made aware of "the secret"!
And thankfully for you who have chosen to read, I have no obligation to keep it:
It's all about the law of attraction: think positive things, and you'll reap it.

I live a positive life, And that keeps most days sunny,
I truly believe you'll catch all the right bees with that particular brand of honey,
(Case and point, I now have a budding business and some money!)

My last bit of advice is to keep your chin up and show no weakness to your foes.
Oh.. And remember that only a Golden Rose could utter such sweet prose.

#GoldenThoughts

Pilot Blog: St. Cathafornication

Not to be confused with Californication, which as it turns out has little to do with the state that the city of angels resides in and everything to do with Western pop-culture's ongoing fornication with every culture and family unit it can get it's promiscuous hands on.. No, St. Cathafornication comes after the realization that there is "bad" in the world, possibly in all of us and most definitely in ourselves. St. Cathafornication is the attempt to cope with such a realization.

Growing up, most of us only saw good. Even though none of our homes were as picture perfect as what we saw on The Cosby Show, Leave it to Beaver or my personal favourite, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Even though outsiders looking through the windowpane at our childhoods would have described what they saw ass something much less; Our then childish ignorance of the evils in the world managed to cloud our judgement and make things seem, okay.

The transition from dependent child to independent young-adult will begat the scary realization that life isn't a Disney movie. Unfortunately not all people are genuinely nice, some people will in-fact hate and despise you either for no reason, for a simple reason, for a complex reason, for one reason or for several. Worst yet, You can and will be judged based on your actions at face value. The most plausible option for handling such an environment is to just live life as the good boy or girl you just as you were raised to be BUT, is life worth living if you're always passing up on curiosity and the worldly pleasures of the flesh? Today's generation, and the generation of yesterday will most definitely say no. Yes that's right, I know you have those urges.. You didn't think I knew but I do, but not because I know you personally.. But because I, with two years of university under my belt have encountered them myself. It is these encounters that has led me to being as knowledgeable as I am on the subject.

This self actualization consists of some key features an old friend of mine named Maslow threw together in a hierarchy of needs. This isn't a lecture but I will throw a few out for you... First is autonomy: applying your newly mature logic to a well maintained and tightly-grasped morality you developed in your dependent years and living life according to those rules; not giving a f***about the judgments passed on you by people looking in from the outside will prove all too vital in the real world. Second up to bat is Comfortable acceptance of self, others & nature: Nature in a "nature of man" kind of way not a tree hugging/planting kind of  way (as therapeutic as that is said to be). I actually looked this one up again to sound informed and Wikipedia says that Self-actualizers accept their own nature with ALL its flaws. The shortcomings of other and the contradictions of the human condition are accepted with humor and tolerance" (1). What does this mean?? Haven't you been eye-listening?? (Reading??) Simply, St. Cathifornication.

Remember that no person other than yourself has enough background information on any decision you make to objectively judge you as a person or your character  Such judgement are commonly left for all-knowing beings.. Yes, God. And God alone. So don't you go judging others either.

**Honourable mentions: Comfort with solitude, Profound interpersonal relationships and Continued Freshness of Appreciation (1).** Read your textbooks!

All this talk of psychology has me feeling nostalgic. Remembering the psychology courses I took when I thought that was the path I wanted to take.. Why'd I get over that? because the textbooks are filled with pseudo-facts.. Test results, averages and educated guesses but not nothing that I am willing ti shape my beliefs around. What was my step up? Philosophy! Which is regarded as the study that yeilds no answerws by commin folk. And its true, all facts are ultimately subjective but, the big words and plausability of arguements provide a warm duvet-of-comfort for my always developing beliefs.

St. Cathifornication, has now been defined as best as my mental dictionary and thesaurus allow. Be advised, there is more than good and bad/evil, more than black and white.. There might in-fact be more than 50-shades of grey..

By: Kyle Denzel Rose



I'm terrible with the fine art of Bibliographies and Works Cited due to lack of effort so enjoy the weak attempt:

(1) Maslow's Charachteristics of Self-Actualizers (web) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-actualization
free from reliance on external authorities or other people


P.S.I hope the first blog left you curious as to what else I might have to say, I'll be covering quite a few bases..